Opini.

So, after years growing up with my-very-own-messed-up-self, I comprehend that I'm not the type of person who will do things if it is not caused by my own will.

Seriously. How many damn people you think have been yelling their so called "facts" on my ears, coaxing "suggestions" to make me believe that there are no other version of truths that is more righteous than theirs? This topic varies from religion, politics, definition of life with success and happiness, perspective about man and how people say they're all the same, how they define true friendship and how we should keep it, etc etc etc etc.

I mean I just don't know. There are too many things they set up over there and I'm just done listening to them. I'm just done being forced to believe in a thing I am not even given the chance to cogitate. Dan aku muak di-neraka-kan untuk tidak menelan segala yang mereka jejalkan dalam kerongkonganku.

Ujung-ujungnya, beginilah jadinya aku. I tend to refuse and despise everything that sounds to one-sided, segala hal yang terlalu sarat opini, karena jika aku menelan semuanya bulat-bulat dan membiarkan "fakta-fakta" itu membentuk diriku, apa bedanya diriku dengan sepotong tanah liat lunak?

Doesn't mean that I consider everything that other people besides me say are wrong, hell no. But I'm not exactly something they try to make me. I think I'm a little bit like this, I'm a little bit like that, and I'm also a little bit like something nobody else is, which is something original, that comes truly from myself as a being. Influences might be a part of the recipe, but my mainstay ingredient is myself. My truest and sincerest opinion. And in the future, maybe I will find myself having a similar opinion with what somebody told me to believe (which maybe I have despised too quickly) but I would rather be believing in an opinion because my experience forms it, and not because somebody else did. Let it leave me in black and blue, but if that's true, I would still go for that.

You might inspire me, but you will never dictate me.

But in fact, most of daily life situations, I don't object when people talk. I nod and stay silent because really, I don't think it would be very much beneficial to start an argument, unless you're starting to think I'm nothing more than a stupid nodding figure who will agree to everything you say. But it's just not worth the time and the anger I'll feel when I try to spit how terribly different I feel than those they try to make me feel. I'm just so tired of ending up spitting my opinions, dan kemudian, di-neraka-kan.

Nothing dude, I just feel angry. I feel angry and I've never feel me-er than this since a long time. Dan itulah kenapa aku menuliskan post ini. Aku harus kembali teringat sekali-sekali. I am my own person, aku paling aku ketika aku tahu siapa diriku, dan inilah aku. Mungkin aku diam, mungkin aku bungkam, tapi aku punya opini. Aku punya segudang opini. Dan aku tidak bodoh hanya karena kau tak pernah mendengarnya.

Lalu? Hanya karena lisanku membisu, apa itu artinya otakku pun harus bungkam? Apa itu artinya, pemikiran tak boleh lagi berkelana, dan opini harus dikebiri? Apa itu artinya, aku tak boleh merumuskan pendapatku sendiri?

Jika ternyata memang itu hukumnya, maka aku berontak.